No.. you did not convince me to write :P

“Music is the space between the notes” – Claude Debussy

I am often set of on a journey of thought by a few words or a phrase and the words above set me off today.

It isn’t just music that is the space between the notes… but life itself… We spend our days (indeed some of us our lives) doing the things we need to do. We make dinner, take out the trash, tweet excessively (that one might just be me) and do a thousand other things… and then life reminds you that those things really aren’t very important at all, life often does this by dropping a bomb into the middle of your everyday existence that shocks you into a different state where mundane matters don’t …. well …. matter. No I have had no big bomb today.. but several people I know have and it made me think. It didn’t make me think I should just chuck it all and run off and live on a beach in Bora-Bora. It did make me think about life and the “everyday-ness” of it all.. and then I realized a truth (well a truth for me anyway) That life isn’t the trips and vacations and events we plan, but those spaces in between, where if we just paused for a moment and thought about what we were doing right then and there, and the reasons why we do those things… we might find life, the kind of life that makes all the small thing we do relevant and meaningful. The kind of life that makes every small gesture a big gesture because it is meaningful to those who need it most. It also helps explain why I tend to spend most of my time so damn happy… I am in a place where I feel that happiness all of the time, while I am doing some of the things that others would gladly abdicate from.
So I will end this little glimpse into the dark recesses of my feeble and declining mind with a quick note to someone who helped me find this place… Yes my love… it is you. You inspire me to understand where happiness is found and how it is in all parts of every single thing that we do with and for each other… and those around us. I am truly grateful for all of the experiences we have had and will have…and all the spaces between that are filled with love and life.

P.S. I almost forgot to end this with a quote that perfectly illustrates the short piece above
“There is no parking in the white zone… the white zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only”
(Ok … so maybe I need to see a Dr. about this problem of mine 😉

It takes two… to Tenga

This is not a review of the Tenga 3D Spiral I won at the Erotic Meet last month. I don’t do sex toy reviews. This is my take on the whole Male Masturbator section of the market.

I completely get and enjoy sex toys for women, there are few sights that are sexier than watching  Molly use one of her many many toys on herself (or using them on her myself). But I have never quite understood the male sex toys available. Don’t get me wrong.. I understand the appeal of  prostate stimulators, if that kind of thing works for you. But masturbation sleeves and penis pumps and the like bewilder me..and don’t get me started on the heebie geebies that the catheter like toys give me.. the first time I saw one I swear all my man bits shrunk up like they were going to retract back up inside and cower in terror. But I have won/been given several sleeves over the last year and always put them aside with the grand and noble words “I’m not sticking my cock in that!” But then I won the Tenga.

Now the Tenga isn’t your usual sleeve made of some odd synthetic material that looks like someone has made a weird batch of overly hard Jello (Jelly for the Brits in the crowd) and added a few fake pearls for some seriously warped reason..and drilled a very tiny hole all the way through the resulting mess (don’t you want to plunge your now rigid member into this?) No… the Tenga looks very different. It looks very High Tech, a bit like a piece of abstract art, and where the other types of portable fuck holes tend to be a bit freaky (can you say Fleshlight? a concept that truly skeeves me out) the Tenga seems like it might be something different.. it doesn’t claim that it is just like real woman bits.. it has scientifically designed bumps and swirls and ridges for your pleasure. Sounds interesting right? I’m going to quote some Tenga copy here  “TENGA is a new masturbation tool for sexual substitution. It’s an Onacup (Onanism cup) designed to bring you never-before-experienced sensual sensations.”

And best of all I did not have to pay the £33.00/$51.50 usd to try this sucker out. Yes, you read that right….. over $50 dollars for some plastic to stick your cock in. Cheaper than a night out I know.. but really? Now to be perfectly honest I have always just mocked the “strokers” as these things tend to be called. But what basis and authority did I have to do this?… up to this point I had only ever used traditional methods for my “Gentleman Time” (I love that expression btw) How could I sit there on my high horse and denounce all the hard work that engineers and designers had put in to give me “an incredible experience whether you’re alone or with a partner” without giving it a try? So it was time to toss caution to the wind and plunge my throbbing member deep into unknown territory.

The Tenga 3D Spiral (one wonders when they will make the move to 4D?) isn’t just packaged in some plastic bag with a desiccant packet (don’t eat those, they taste horrible) and then stuffed into a glossy cardboard box. It has a display/drying stand and is shipped pleasure side out.. yes you heard me right.. it is reversible for cleaning and storage *see the product images in the link above*

So we (I am not doing this alone, I insist that Molly assist in the adventure) head up to the bedroom and open the display case and touch the Tenga for the first time. It is made of some space age antibacterial polymer that feels like slightly oily dense memory foam… I do not leap into full erection while touching it. We tear open the supplied package of special lube and squirt it inside… and the lube is special.. it is very thick and strangely glue-y. As I have mentioned already.. I’m not hard.. so I have Molly apply her very talented mouth to address the situation (her giggling at this whole experiment isn’t very helpful though) Once I am in a suitable state Molly slides the lubed and squelching Tenga over me I await the amazing sensation promised me…. this sensation does not appear, it feels like I am fucking a squishy piece of bumpy foam..and the noises.. are… nearly indescribable…. kind of  like a wet fart with every stroke.. and changing the strength of grip only serves to change the pitch of the sounds. Needless to say this does not enhance the moment. But  we press on (I am determined to give this my best…shot) We try variations in speed, grip and angle to no avail. It just feels… meh… not hot.. not sexy (for either of us and I know Molly likes to see me handle my manmeat) until I can’t take any more and simple remove the Tenga from my person. So we lay there discussing why this didn’t work… after a few minutes Molly, (who had laid the hand used to lube and operate the Tenga on her thigh) went to move her hand… and surprise!! It seemed to be glued in place… that sent me running to the bathroom before something similar happened to my cock. Once that danger had passed we both had a chat about why lube would act as an adhesive.. we really couldn’t find an answer to that very important question…

So.. now I have been there… done that… and rejected the Tshirt. I prefer my hand.. or Molly’s hand.. really almost any fleshy body part over this toy. To all of those who have used these and find them enjoyable… good for you.. but they just aren’t for me.

In the end all I can say is that I gave it a try, didn’t spend any of my hard earned money to do so and I have learned something. Now what to do the the Penis Pump and other pocket pussies I have? ..Hmm I do have a teenaged stepson…… nah.. why spoil things for him 😉

P.S. I am a bold man willing to try many different things but I am not sure I’d be willing to stick my dick in this:

When there are so many wood chippers I haven’t tried yet 😐

As always the opinions expressed in this blog are my own and any resemblance to actual people, either living or dead is merely coincidence.

*No parts of this blog or any snarkyness associated with this blog may be reproduced or transmitted without the prior written authorization of Major League Baseball

Only words

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”

I could have bought her a card, like the step daughter wanted… or candy or flowers.. but I did not… In fact almost all (save one) of the her Valentines gifts she has already seen or received.

…Sounds pretty terrible for our first Valentines together..doesn’t it? Well, let me try mounting my defense and let’s see if it measures up shall we?

I don’t do cards… Standing in front of a rack of cards all written by someone else trying to find the words that living with her every day… doing nothing special… just the minutia of everyday life..and that by itself is the best thing that I could ever wish for… not going to find that in a card, now am I?

Candy… yummy indeed… but how does that express the sweetness of holding her in my arms and knowing that she is mine? That we are so amazing together that others around us comment on how we look at each other, like no one else even exists? Quality Street isn’t going to have that in their tin.

Flowers.. pleasing to the eye.. but they do not even begin to capture the beauty that lights up her whole face when I kiss her, make her laugh, and especially, when I make her cum. She is a such beautiful woman and not a day, or even a minute goes by that I don’t thank any possible deity that may or may not exist for the amazing bit of serendipity that brought her to me.

So my dear readers (few in number though you may be) I will not be doing anything different tomorrow that I don’t do every single other day of my life…

Love her with every fiber of my being and hope against all hope and reason, that it is enough… because it is enough for me


P.S. Yes I bought presents.. this is not some lame attempt to opt out of a greeting card invented holiday that honors a minor pagan deity (I like the dichotomy of the very notion in this uber Christian world we live in) this is meant to let her and everyone else know how truly lucky I feel.

P.P.S. To two other friends who are in similar circumstances to what Molly and I went through to get where we are today.. I leave these words

To found what you have found is exceedingly rare, it should not be lost in the terrible hunger to make it real and permanent, it should also not be lost in a slow and measured pace that ignores the needs of the one that matters for the one who must be left behind. In this, as in much of life, balance is the key. Because in the end that is what love is… the balance that you make between each other… where each gives their all to fit together. So give each other the space to give…. and the room to take

A Year in the Life…

..of a very changed man. It is that time of years folks… when we look back and see what the old year has left us and look forward to what the New Year might bring.
Now I’m not one for lingering on the past. I like to look ahead.. to try and see what might be next, but sometimes you just have to give in to tradition.

So let’s start with 2011… I flew to the UK to be with her for New Years, I got divorced, I left my job, I left my country, I got remarried, I went to my first sexclub, I went to my first munch, I went to my first BDSM club (and second and third) I went to my first Erotic Meet, I had my second Thanksgiving in the UK (The first with my new friends) I had to fly back to the US because my mother died (Yes.. I am now an orphan 😉 and I have finally had my Christmas with her..
Quite a year 2011 was… doncha think?

..and for 2012.. all of the good things from 2011 and so many more firsts for the both of us. I won’t spell them all out here (some are surprises and she is VERY nosy) But I want it to be another year of first..and the first full year of our life together for seconds, thirds, fourths… well you get the idea.

There are so many other people I could spend my time thanking, so many amazing friends, both the ones I have met.. and the ones I hope to meet.
If you spend any time at all interacting with me… you know how I feel about you.. but just in case I haven’t been clear… I love and treasure you all.
You make me think, and laugh and cry.. and all of it makes me a better person (and we all know how much room for improvement I need there)

So when the stroke of midnight comes and I gather her in my arms and kiss her as she so deserves and I so desire, and my heart swells and I know right then and there how good life can be… I hope you all in some small way feel the joy that fills me and seems like it must be enough to make the whole world smile.. because each and every one of you have played some part in where I am right now

I remain forever grateful

Torture and Abuse of Words and the People Who Love Them

To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come?

What dreams may come indeed. I have lived a very full life, not that I hope for an ending anytime soon mind you, but a full life that has recently been made richer. Far richer than I could have ever imagined.

I set out to write this post after reading a writing prompt I found at Sleep is for the Weak Now I can usually ignore this kind of thing, because frankly, I think I’m a horrible writer. (I’ll thank you ahead of time for keeping your own views on that private) But it sparked something because the movie it put in my mind was “What Dreams May Come”

I live a waking dream shaded and sheltered

by visions and vicissitudes

A life become unbound and yet bound again

Dislocation profound is found

to have set me free

Life uprooted and torn

Knit back together

In a seamless whole

By a match to my soul

I wonder then what dreams are next

What wonders await

What life will take

As its next unexpected turn

Until the time comes that I have moved beyond this life

I shall take this dream as my reality

And hold so tight and dear

As to make it last  beyond, and beyond

I leave you here with these words and my apologies

1) To Mr Shakespeare

2) To writers and words everywhere

3) and most of all to you dear tortured reader who have been violated so 😉

88 Pounds

That number has been rolling around in my head for the last week.. 88 Lbs that represent my former life.

For those who might not know.. or care for that matter. I have just moved from the Philadelphia area in the US to North of London.
For almost 2 weeks before the move my love was after me to pack, worrying that I might not have enough space for all of my things.

She need not have worried.

After all these years I seem to have accumulated very little in the way of “stuff”. I did have some big things.. Two cars and a motorcycle, those I could not bring, a guitar that would have never survived the journey.. but other than that I fit almost everything I have left into two suitcases. Now I didn’t bring some plaques I’ve gotten over the years, I also left the Photo Albums in the care of my wonderful daughter. But when I finished packing I was surprised.

I have decided to be happy about my lack of stuff. Happy because it represents the fact that I know what is important in life… people not things.

Those are worth their weight in gold. More, even than 88 Lbs of gold.

* A note about the Author
My opinions may not reflect all possible realities, as I am the Schrödinger’s cat of blogging (5 meaningless points to anyone who knows what that means without googling)
Any blogger observed blogging may result in a different outcome that the one predicted
Thank You For Shopping at Walmart!

Time and Tides…

Hello again my very few readers,
It’s time for me to leave the U.S. for a grand adventure. The biggest of my life.

There are many things I am going to miss about Philadelphia and it’s environs. The food, the familiar voices, and the people.
I have been very fortunate to know some amazing people. I have friends that would absolutely do anything for me and family who love me more than I deserve. None of those people will ever read these words. But I shall says them anyway.. for me.

I have a son in whom a see parts of myself that I never knew were there. I see our shared love of all thing technical, but who can still be fun and silly. I am very proud of the man he has become… I hope he might be just a little proud of me.

I have a daughter who is smarter than even she knows and lives a life of her own terms. She does this with a grace that awes me.

I have two grandchildren that I can see all of us reflected in and that makes me very happy.

I have an ex-wife who I will always love and care for. A brilliant woman profoundly injured who I only want the best for.

I am sad to leave them all behind… yet… at the same time I am more excited than I can even begin to express. I have a woman waiting for me who will be the partner that I have always needed, but I didn’t even know existed until we met. We are about to begin our lives together, exploring, learning, and growing. I have two children anxiously awaiting my arrival as much as I am looking forward to bringing them along on our new path. I am ready.

I’m not leaving forever, we shall return .. sometimes to visit, but eventually to stay. In the meantime keep my part of the world, the one where I’ve spent all of my life, safe.. and sound.

I love you.
I’ll miss you.

… and my love?
I’M ON MY WAY!! which I pretend I know what I am talking about

Respect, it is I think, one of the most important things to teach your children. I know I struggled long and hard to try and teach mine what I thought that word meant and how best to show the respect that others in the world deserve. Not that I think that people should blindly offer respect, but that it should be a default for initial contact. I read a quote once that seemed to me the right balance between having your own opinion and blindly following another’s out of deference. “Question Authority, but raise your hand first”

This has become a topic of interest for me again as I will be rejoining the parenting field, something I thought I had left far behind me. Very soon I will be lending my hand to raising two young children. I spend a great deal of time interacting with these two smart, funny people to be. A lovely young girl and a soon to be teenage boy, I hear so much of their lives and have spent as much time with them as possible on my visits. Often I am called on to lend my opinion on their behaviours and activities. As you might imagine it is the young man who often prompts those calls for advice. And so, the reason for this bit of writing becomes apparent.

I would like to say I learned respect from my Father, and, in a way, I guess you could say I did. Not in the usual fashion, it was more a lesson in what not to do (Something that I have learned would often be the case as I learned to be a parent) as much as it was in what to do. It is not that my Father was disrespectful to other adults. He was perfectly polite and pleasant (when he wasn’t drinking) as long as you were not a child. My Father was from a different generation. You know the one I mean. “Children are to be seen, but not heard.” “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” He was raised that way and by God so was I. Now this was the 60’s, anyone out there remember the 60’s? I was fertile ground for the message being sent by music, books, and magazines. This was a development that my Father couldn’t handle, so he responded the only way he knew how. The way he had been handled. So, as a result I spent a great deal of time in the 60’s and 70’s recovering from punishment. This did not teach me respect; in fact, it had quite the opposite effect. I became a rebel. Not as much of one as my younger brothers, but enough of one to strike out on a path of my own.

Then I had my own children, one (as I like to say) of each flavour. I wasn’t a perfect dad by any stretch of the imagination. I had a job that kept me away from home for months at a time. But I did always try to make the most of the time that we did have together and changed my job when they got to be of High School age. I have to say that both of my children have made me very proud. They are the kind of people I would want to be with even if they weren’t my kids. I think that says a lot.

Here is the big point. I respect them, just as they are, and they respect me. Not because they have to, but because I have earned it. That, I think, is what most people miss. That the right to be respected must be earned. This is what I plan to do for my new charges. Show that that I am worthy of respect and that in turn will lead to them earning my respect.

A great plan don’t you think? I mean…. What could possibly go wrong?

P.S. The ideas and notions in this bit of drivel are my own opinions, and as such are not worth the electrons that gave their all to make this page appear on your screen.

P.P.S. Your actual children will vary depending on how you parent and maintain your children. Actual children will vary with options, parenting conditions, parenting habits and children’s condition. Child estimates may be derived from previous children.

I once was lost, but now I am found

It has been a long road, not that I would have ever given up. But now, after all of our hard work, tears, love and longing. We have made it.

We are going to actually start our lives together. In the 15 months since we first met in person we have spent about 10 weeks in each others actual presence. The longing we felt for each other during these separations was excruciating. There were nights of tears and anger. The anger wasn’t at each other, it was at the system that was keeping us apart.

Once that logjam was broken things have raced along. I’m sitting waiting for UPS to bring me my passport so I can book my flight. And very soon I will hold her in my arms again. And this time there will be no letting go.

We did not make this journey alone. We have made many fabulous friends along the way as we lived out this part of our lives online. I thank you all, every last one of you has laughed and cried right along with us. There are no words sufficient to express my gratitude to you, our loyal friend and followers.

Now… to my love.. Thank you for waiting. I know how hard this has been in so many ways and we never could have made it if you hadn’t believed in me and in us. I will never take you for granted. You are an amazing and talented woman and I so proud of you every single day.

Now it’s time for us to start our next chapter….

This is going to be fun 😀

P.S. I am going never be able to call pants trousers.. I just know it 😉

P.P.S. I hope your bottom is ready for this 😛